Right now I’m hooked on Sex and The City (SATC) and I’m going to watch the complete series from the first till the sixth season. This isn’t the first time I am watching the show but this time I am drawn to it and I realized the real reason. You see, my relationship with The Man was a lot like Carrie and Big. I did almost everything that Carrie did and we fought for the reasons they fought. Watching Big and Carrie is like watching the replay of my relationship except the TV show has a different ending. Somehow I wish my relationship with The Man had end up like Big and Carrie; happily ever after. I wanted to spend my life with him.
Which explains why I woke up feeling crappy after watching too many episodes the night before. Sex and The City is my escapade, an illusion to the what ifs questions I have. However the reality is I am not Carrie Bradshaw and The Man is not Mr Big. He is a lot like Big except for his temper. The Man was a ticking bomb. You could never expect how he would react to the things you said. With him, a perfectly innocent question can also turn into a trigger. I don’t know. I’m no one to judge. I was insecure in our relationship and I was sorry for it until I watched SATC. I wasn’t being abnormal, but still it doesn’t justify my insecurities. If I were a secured woman, I would have left him long ago and would never look for him until he looks for me. That would probably make him treasure me more but as fate would have it, I had to learn the hard way.
Sometimes I wish I could tell The Man that he’ll never find another woman who love him as much as I do. I’ll forever be the one who fucking love him the most. But really what’s the point of telling him? Probably he’ll soon meet another girl and I will meet someone who would be sure that I’m the one. Until then I’m just going to continue strumming the ukulele.
Yup, one thing I’ve learnt from a heartbreak is how to play the ukulele.