I am feeling shallow.
It could be because I am not feeling anything. It’s like I’m on the surface. When I was sad, I could drown so deep I could hardly breathe. But now that I’m back up, I can’t feel the pressure and it is strange to be released. I don’t know if this is the feeling of someone who has just left prison. Like you’ve been locked up for a long time and when you taste freedom, you’re not sure what to make of it. I don’t know. I’ve never been to prison or come in contact with someone who has been locked up. Unless you consider my uncle who was locked up for a few weeks in a special prison with air-conditioning. Or my guardian who used to be a prison warden, but that’s a different thing.
It’s just that I’ve been sitting in my quiet little corner trying to write something that I feel deeply about but I can’t seem to find it. I find that disturbing. I want to be passionate about something, one thing, anything. Maybe religion or love or life or everything. I just need to feel compelled to write about something. Maybe I could pretend to be someone else but this is a blog. It isn’t a fiction book in which I could very well pretend to be a childlike character who is intrigued by the littlest thing in his or her life. I’m an adult with no clue on what to write.
I hope I will start to feel deeply again. Maybe about love, or simple contentment. I don’t know. We’ll have to see what’s next.
P.S: I’m feeling deeply about this and it’s a start of something good. :)