One post ago, I wrote “I don’t feel empty. I feel broken. It’s like a throbbing sense of being punch in heart. Does that makes sense?”. I now know the term for what I was feeling; It’s called Inner-brokenness.
Inner-brokenness: A state of deep emotional turmoil and damaged perspective of self that result in disharmony of emotions and thinking. There is a sense of inner pain and misalignment of emotions and thinking – your thinking and your emotions are not congruent or having the same expression.
Source: PN15: DEW Ministry Weekend (Learner’s Copy) page 30.
I am attending a counseling course in church. It was recommended by my cell leader to everyone as it helps to uncover what’s hidden within (that sometimes we don’t even know) and release whatever it is so we can step forward and grow in our spiritual walk with God.* However, the more sessions I go to the more I realize I might have deep-rooted issues that needs to be dealt with.
One thing, crying can be so therapeutic. I used to think it’s weird of me to feel like crying for no reasons, but after the counseling session I began to wonder if my past issues could be the reason why I wanted to cry. Although they don’t affect me now, they had affected me in the past and life moves on so fast I didn’t have enough time to grieve. Seriously. Time waits for no grieving man.
I’m grateful that my church has such ministry. People pay so much to go for counseling and this is free. Woot! Anyway, on a serious note, I thank God for loving me and softening my heart to come for this course. He knows how many times my leader has asked me to go but I declined for fear of having to share my secrets or that I’ll manifest because of all the demonic spirits I might be housing. He knows what’s best for me and when I’m ready for it.
*Sometimes I wonder how a non-spiritual person feels when reading such sentences. #randomthoughts