Tag Archives: diary

2018 New Year’s Resolution

Finally done drafting my resolution! I take New Year’s Resolution seriously because I’m one of those unmotivated and easily distracted person so if I don’t have a list of goals, there’s high chance I might go wayward and meander through the year. Last year I am pleased that I did well against my resolution for the first time since I started making resolution list. So let’s kick start 2018 with a new set of goals! I’ve categoried them in no particular order.

1. God

I’m re-cultivating the habit of morning prayer as a symbol and reminder to start everything with God.

2. Health

Last year I wanted to be healthy and I’ve done so by going for crossfit and signing up gym membership (also actually use it). This year I wanna be healthier and fit by exercising 2x a week (I just wanna make the most out of my membership fee) and watching my diet. Reduce sugar and rice. Hopefully lose 2kg in the process.

3. Finance

The aim is to be financially prudent or to quote my company’s expenses policy – “X is committed to ensuring that all expenditure incurred is prudent, reasonable and reflects sound judgement and decision making.” Do I need a cat butt tissue dispenser? No.

4. Relationship

Make time to develop relationships. Be aware of who and how I’m spending my time. Accept that I am not be able to keep up with everyone because if I do I will burnout and lose track of people who matter.

5. Self-care

On top of making time for others, I’m setting aside me-time. This includes pampering myself (manicure, creambath, go to salon) and doing the necessities like an overdue visit to the dentist and my doctors!

6. Writing

Starting with 1 post per week to gain back the momentum. The post need not be extraordinary or meaningful as long as they are published.

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7. Career

I am grateful for the new job and now it’s time to take it up a notch – be aggressive and proactive. Do the obvious. E.g. Don’t understand? Ask! Need to cut the meeting and excuse myself? Speak up! Need to chat? Call!

8. Community

Continuing from last year’s resolution on being more involved with Toastmaster and Cell group, this year I want to be more present. To be part of a community means I don’t just receive from the group but also contribute my knowledge, experience, skills and time.

Alrighty. 2018, we’re ready for you!

Cheers,

Mel.

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2016 Reflection: Removal of Crutches

We are told to rely on God in all the things we do, yet sometimes we received so much blessings that they become the crutches we lean on. For example, a good career, financial stability, friends and companions may unconsciously become our crutches and substitutes for God. Self-sufficiency disposes people to reject God simply because they don’t see the need to have God in their lives.

I did not realised I first stepped into 2016 with my own crutches. I had a great job where my superior acknowledged my ability and career prospect was looking up as I had just accepted a job offer with 30% increment and better benefit. I was in a long-term relationship that might turn into a lifetime commitment. I had good friends returning from overseas. I hadn’t fall sick and believed my immune system is a ferocious bouncer that can kick any diseases.

But of course 2016, affectionately known as The Worst Year Ever by the netizens, did not let me, along with the rest of the Earth population, have it easy.
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First, I was struck by the diagnosis that I had a 17cm cyst in my ovary and I need to undergo my first major surgery. Although it’s benign, having tumor as big as a 19-week fetus was a slap to my health. I had thought I could live to a 100 years old swimmingly but clearly life is unpredictable and it is foolish to think nothing would happen even with my lack of discipline in lifestyle.

Second, I started my new job which certainly is not the land of milk and honey. I had to unlearn what I knew and refine on whatever unshaped skills from my previous experiences.

Third, broken romance.

Fourth, a good friend left the city to return to her homeland. My best friend who used to travel here frequently found a new job and she had no reason to come here as often as she used to anymore.

Fifth, I will be moving to a new location next year and that means I will be changing cell group. I have just gotten used to the members and I’ll definitely miss having this leader whom I look up to. But I know that to grow in Christ is to grow upward towards the direction He planned for me, and not just imitating or piggybacking the faith of others.

The list can go longer with my grandma passing away which marks the end of grandparents generation in my life, celebrity deaths, volatile political climate, etc. As I reflect on how 2016 has been, I see how my crutches are being removed one by one and I am “forced” to rely completely on God. I would like to say I do so willingly, but if He hadn’t removed those crutches I would not have realized that I needed Him to be my constant source of strength and to not let anything take His place.

Having the crutches removed is a painful experience. I fell, I cried and I learnt to pick myself up with Jesus’ help. He is my strength and the more I know Him the more confident I am of His faithfulness and that I can run with Him directing my path. I need not worry of what may happen.

2016 has been a lot of downs and more downs. But I’m here to say I’m grateful for each experience and I have never been more excited to step into a new year with God’s promises and Him right beside me. Cheers to 2017.

X,
Mel.

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Why I blog even if no one reads.

I’ve said that I started blogging about my life journey hoping that it does a thing or two for you who are going through the same thing. Over the years, I realized the person I’m impacting the most through my writing is myself.

I’m not an outspoken person. I used to be but somehow I became more introverted as I grow older. I’ve not been thinking on my feet lately because I feel that most of the things I blurted or my initial response to any conversation can be rather absurd. In short, I fear I might say something stupid or of no value to the topic. Strangely and thankfully, I don’t have that fear when I’m typing. Even if someone thinks I’m typing crap, I’m not really affected by it. Maybe because it’s a blog, a one-way communication and I know you will either continue reading or close on me. To those who continue on, I thank you.

Blogging is a form of therapy to me; a way to sort out my feelings and thoughts. I also enjoy reading my old posts. It’s fascinating to see how far I’ve come to where I am now. For the same reason, it is also good to journal your self-reflection time or, for Christians, time alone with God.

I’ve not been blogging regularly as you can see and I’m falling behind my New Year Resolution of blogging twice a week. I have no excuse. I’ve used the “I’m too busy” and “I’ve got nothing to blog” cards far too many times. It’s time to just get down to it and blog even when I’ve got nothing to say. After all I’m doing this for myself. Yes it’s selfish, but sometimes you got to help yourself before you can help others.

So thanks again for reading till the end, by doing so you’ve actually done a thing for me. :)

Cheers,
Mel.

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Pre-30s Crisis

To all early to mid 20s; if you think quarter life crisis is a pain, wait till you get here.

Ok, maybe pre-30s crisis doesn’t poke you every single time or question everything you do, but that’s the problem – it reeks of apathy and submission. When you’re in your early 20s, just setting foot in adulthood, you have plenty of dreams and your fear might be whether or not you’re making the right choices or on the right track to where you want to be. When you’re in your pre-30s you’ve invested a good amount of years in the choices you made. If it’s the right one and you’re where you wanted to be then good on you but if you’re like me… doing okay, climbing the career ladder, yet feeling like I’ve lost a spark in me, then welcome to pre-30s. Things hasn’t turn out exactly how I wanted. Then again, I remember not having a clear thought on where I wanted to go when I was starting out which is probably the reason I’m still in this square.

I’ve just listened to a sermon by a random pastor* I found on Youtube about pursuing your calling and not your potential. It’s the first time I’m hearing such thing but one thing really spoke to me, “You have more things you can do than things you should do. If Satan can’t make you sin, he will make you busy. Not doing bad thing but neglecting first thing”. Have you ever feel like you’re doing so much, perhaps growing in where you’re planted but it’s still gives you the pointless feeling? I think that’s what’s happening to me. I’m doing all that I can do but not what I should do. What is it that I should do? Hmm.

Anyhow, although I titled this Pre-30s Crisis. I’m abolishing the mindset of life being one crisis after another. Quarter life crisis, Pre-30s crisis, and then post 30s and pre-menopausal crisis?? This ends right here. Sure life has its challenges but we are free to take actions and move on. With that in mind, I’m off to devise an escape plan from this crisis.

*The random pastor turns out to be Ps. Mark Driscoll. I read up that he is a pretty big and controversial pastor. If you’d like to listen to the sermon, you can click here.

Cheers,

Mel.

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Coping With Unemployment.

Being unemployed can be one of the worst or best situations ever, depends on how you look at it and how you spend your time while you’re going through it. I have been unemployed for 2 months since I got laid off from my post at an advertising agency. One of the most common questions I got from friends is, “how are you spending your time?” and here’s my post on how I cope with unemployment.

1. Start doing what you’ve always wanted to do and do it consistently.

For me this is blogging. I’ve always loved to blog but when I was working I kept getting distracted from blogging. Now that I have all the time, I make it a point to blog consistently as you can see from my “How To Survive Mid 20s Crisis” posts.

2. Read a lot of books, listen to sermons. Feed your mind.

Never let your mind go idle because it’s easy to be beaten when you have too much time to be unproductive. Always equip yourself with the necessary mind-food. It can be by reading newspaper or staying updated with the latest technology news, but be careful not too spend too much time on the internet. Internet can be a form of distraction. If you find yourself feeling bored or low when you’re not online, it might be a signal to spend more time on the real world.

3. Be discipline. Do things that you dread to do.

Laziness is an enemy. Sure, it’s nice to take a break, but give yourself a time frame and once it’s time to get back to doing the dull stuff, be sure to do it. Be discipline to do things that you dread to do now but you know it’ll be good for you in the long run. It could be sending hundreds of resumes daily or waking up early everyday, practice self-control and do them. Remember discipline is delayed gratification and that you’ll receive the pay off when you stick to it.

4. Show up at every opportunity.

I’m currently reading Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project and one of her resolutions is to simply show up. This is the best chance for you to show up at your friends’ events, connect with your family, and give your parents who is living faraway a visit. Or if you received a call for an interview at a company you’ve never heard of, just show up (after making sure it’s a credible company and not someone trying to set you up). You’ll never know what opportunity it will bring by showing up.

5. Take control of your finances.

One of the things I’ve learnt from this experience is to save for rainy days. Previously, I wasn’t very good at saving, as a result now I’m seeing how my bank account is fast depleting. Manage your finances at this time, do not overspend. It’s fine to indulge a little on something you like (gotta keep living!) but don’t spend on something that you don’t need or you can’t afford. Think before making a purchase. Buying that overpriced heels for an interview is not a good excuse.

6. Do more of what makes you happy. Real happy, not a cheap thrill.

Unemployment sucks but don’t let it gets you down. If running makes you happy then put on your sneakers and run. If helping people makes you happy, then volunteer for a cause. If you can’t think of what makes you happy, then think back what made you happy as a kid. I used to be so happy playing with my soft toys and narrating their stories, I don’t do so anymore because I’m happier to blog now.

That’s about how I cope with my unemployment. It’s not easy having people asking what I’m doing all the time and not having a precise answer to it but I realized being unemployed is a blessing in disguise because it saves me from purposeless life. This is like being given a second chance to think about my direction, see where my mistakes were and grow from there. If you’re a fellow unemployed, I may not know how your situation is, but stay hopeful and believe there’ll be light at the end of this tunnel!

Cheers,
Mel.

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Chapter 20: The End of A Season.

How To Survive Mid 20s Crisis.

Chapter 20.

Aforementioned, this marks the last chapter of How To Survive Mid 20s Crisis series that I’ve been writing for the past few months. Thank you for reading and staying tune! It’s been a wonderful journey.

As of now I’m still unemployed but I’m trying to enjoy this moment as much as possible. There are many different seasons in our lives and for myself, this seemingly dry season helps me to focus on what matters and grow from the unpleasant experience. Being unemployed is not a fun season even if in the beginning I quite like not having to do anything. Knowing mid 20s could be my prime time, I wish I was doing something far greater than just hiding behind my screen and sharing my thoughts in secret. Nonetheless, I know every season has its reason and every moment is fleeting so I choose to enjoy whatever jobless freedom I have now.

Like it or not, life will throw shit at us and failure is guaranteed. If you don’t fail means you’re not aiming high enough. But we don’t have to fear, because it’s part of life. We get thrown into a pit and we climb our way back up. We slip and fall and we pick ourselves up. That’s what makes humans such awesome creatures. Truthfully, I had been guilty of being comfortable staying in a pit and wallowing myself in self-pity. It’s easy to just give up. Giving up is the easiest way out which is why only few people go on to become tremendously successful in life. I’m not saying I am aiming to be one of them. If you know me, you’d know I’m the least ambitious person here. I have not even figure out what’s my next plan but I can be hopeful as long as my hope is followed with actions.

I’m closing on this chapter and moving on to write more daily stuffs (film reviews and occasional ramblings). I hope this series has helped you in someway. It certainly has helped myself which means it isn’t a total flop. Lol. Always try your best and don’t give up! The end is closer than you think. Stay happy! Cheers.

8a7RG1

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Chapter 18: Consistency and Figuring Out.

How To Survive Mid 20s Crisis.

Chapter 18.

Finally, a continuation of the mid 20s crisis series after weeks of absence. Sorry about that, I was away and back and then got busy with other stuffs; all the same excuses. Ok, I backslid from blogging because I stopped being discipline.

I’ve always believe that if you pick up a new skill today and keep practicing consistently for the next 10 years, at the end of 10 years you’ll be a subject expert or at least become pretty good at it. Never underestimate the value of consistency.

On a side note, knowing the value of something is nothing if you’re not doing anything about it. That’s exactly my crime. I’m like a fountain of knowledge but it doesn’t mean anything because most of the time I am comfortable keeping silence and not applying what I know. If you’ve read the bible on the parable of the talents, you’d know that having talent means nothing if you’re not producing something with it. Even whatever little talent that you have will be taken away from you if you don’t use it.

I guess I’m still trying to figure things out, trying to find out what is it that I’m good at and want to pursue. I’ve come across people who told me I’m still young and have good plenty of years to figure out what I want to do. But obviously I don’t want it to take forever, the sooner I figure it out the better it will be. Then again, there’s no point forcing something to show up because in most cases, the more you force things to happen, the less likely it will happen. You just gotta keep doing your best and wait for the right time for it to show up.

So the key is to be consistent. If you keep going to the mall where Paris Hilton goes, one fine day you’ll surely bump into her. I don’t know where I get that from but the thought of mall reminds me of Paris Hilton. Who knows what would happen to me if I keep writing consistently for the next 10 years, I might be a writer ey?

It doesn’t hurt to try, and keeping yourself busy is better than not doing anything. Whatever it is that you think you’re good at or you wish to be good at, just try it and keep doing the same thing for the next 10 years and you’ll see.* :)

Cheers!

*Disclaimer: If you’re still bad at it after 10 years of persevering, it might be a good idea to pick up another hobby.

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